GOODBYE.

March 7, 2009. Goodbye Christian!
Thanks for everything. I hope someday when you see me walk your way, hope it gives you hell. :D
Goodbye to everything. :) You don't deserve me right.
I just want to happen someday... You're gonna miss me so bad. :)
This is the last entry for this blog.
GOODBYE!

Quotes. :D

Sweetest sensation down my spine, thinkin about you all the time. Unbelievable but true, baby I’m completely crazy about you...
You’ve got me addicted to everything you do, and everywhere I go I always think of you. Oh baby cant you see… our love is meant to be. I was meant for you and you were meant for me.
All I'm asking for is one day together. [Just you and me, all alone.] And if you can honestly tell me that you don't feel anything for me after that day, I'll finally let you go.
I’m not ready to lose you yet… not now, not like this… cause I need you & I know you need me too…

Always tell someone how you feel, mean what u say and say what u mean even when its hard - - » because opportunities are lost in a blink of an eye * / * but regrets can last a . : L . i . F . e . T . i . M . e : .
He makes me laugh when I thought I’d never smile again.
In my dreams I always have you, but I cant dream anymore, because the pain I feel when I wake up, kills me even more.
Once you've found that passion, that heat, that intensity with that one guy ... don't ever let it go. Once you've lost it, you'll never get it back. Don't give up for stupid reasons. wait it out, and don't ever let yourself think that you don't deserve what you want.

guess i could call you &
see how you`re doing. but i
don`t really have much to
say. i just sit all alone, &
stare at the phone, & hope
you`re doing okay

So just give me one good reason
tell me why I should stay
cause I dont wanna waste another
moment, saying things we
- never - meant - to - say -

Which hurts more..
Thinking you should hate him?
Or knowing that you can`t?

And after all of this, I’m still confused.
I’m still not sure how I feel about you.
I’m still not sure how you feel about me.
I don’t know if you ever cried over me, like I cried over you.
But one thing I’m certain about is, I will never find another you.

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." -Bob Marley

he hardest thing in the world, is to let go of
what you thought was real.

maybe it's best to stop figuring out where you're going, and
just enjoy where you're at.

Why is it so hard to let go of someone that you
never even had a chance with?

I can't promise I'll fix all your problems, but I can promise you won't have to face them alone.

Look to the past and remember and smile.
And maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile.
I'm not in the scene, I think I'm fallin' asleep
But then all that it means is
I'll always be dreaming of you.

i always have this fear that one day you are going to
discover that i'm not as great as you once thought i was.

Wish list.

I have a wish list that I would really make it true. :D

1. Get my done.
2. Buy new clothes, sandals.
3. Fix my phone.
4. Have a date with Cris.

Hope it will be done this May!!!

I'm falling harder.

I should be prepared for heartbreak, rejection, loneliness and pain.
'Cos love's not all about bliss, it's also about sacrifices and heartaches.
Goodluck to me. Wish I will survive.

Happiness is a choice.
Therefore, I chose you.

Forever & ever, babe.

Babe. Hope we can last longer.
I will entrust this to GOD.
He has a will and plan for us!

WTF?

Cris and I just argued. When we're already ok...
Cris just requested a kiss if it's okay with me.
'Cos he wants to know something.
I don't know what's exactly in his mind.
I said with my pride "You know what? Your the only guy who kissed me."
I thought he will be happy to know that my lips are only for him
But then with my surprise, he doesn't freakin' know that we kissed!
Our lips met Feb 28, 2009. Although, it wasn't what you expect of lips to lips kind.
It's just a smack. Or whatever it is called. But one thing I'm sure is our lips met.
Isn't that a kiss to you Mr. Tedria?
Well for me it already is.
Now, I feel so ashamed that he didn't even know. :(
Well that time, I think he's a bit drunk. So I don't know what the hell happened to him
and not to remember and consider that!

Happy at the moment. ;)

Right now, the situation is still complicated.
We often fight. But just a little sweet talk, he gets me every time.
I'm really falling for him harder. So I hope we will last longer
Cos I'm really needing him. I want to be with him everyday. :))
Obsessed? Nah. I just simply love him.
My problem is he's not like before.
But when I asked him, his love for me didn't change a bit.
So yeah, I'll just trust him. And God.. for my love life.
Actually he's beginning to be sweet again. :D
That's why I feel so happy. :P
But how about his girl? Oh, I'll just entrust every thing to God.
I know he has a plan.
What is meant to be will happen right? ;)

The gift. :)

Finally my plan happened the way I want it to be.
Last night. April 26, the day before their monthsary
I have given my gift (A scrapbook, cd in a box filled with lots of candies.)
He said he really like it. He thought it's so touching, that he could almost cry.
Well, he should like it because I worked hard for that.
But the scrapbook is unfinished, and he's complaining.
Well it's because of him why it's unfinished!
He said while he's reading poems, he's listening to the songs I dedicate to him while eating candies.
Nice huh? Haha.
All I want now, is for him to realize that he loves me more than his girl now that it's their special day.
Because I already gave him a month to think about it.
Meaning I'm giving him a last chance to realize everything.
After this, if nothing still happens. Then goodbye!
At least I offered him a scrapbook where all my feelings were written.
That will serve as a remembrance.
I hope there is a good result after all this.
Because I don't just wanna leave everything behind also, just like that.
Because I learned to love him already. :(

No more!

I just have to give my gift to Cris and goodbye!
So that will serve as my goodbye gift.
It's better off this way. FRIENDS. :D
I will just smile because somehow he made me smile.
Thanks for the memories but...
Like they say, 'A wise girl leaves BEFORE she is being left.'
I can do this! YEAH!

Here we go again.

Today Cris supposed to get his gift.

But I don't know why he back out again.

And plus, he's not texting! Only in the morning.

Well, his monthsary with his girlfriend is near.

And I have a plan. What if I don't talk to him also in 1 week.

Like he did to me. But before that, I must first give my unfinished gift! :))

So yeah I just watched Dragonball Evolution today with Kuya Ta at Gateway.

It was fun. :D Hoping tomorrow will be a better day. :)

Cris is back.

So Cris is finally back.
But before that, I had several dreams about him.
Although I want to share them. Maybe next time will do.
I'm so happy. Dad just got home from East Timor and gave me a new Nokia 6600 slide. :D
So yes. I'm enjoying it! :))
Oh yea, I think I will meet up with Cris tomorrow because he want his gift already.
Just a short update for now. I will still put some add-ons to my gift.
Buhbye!

At last!

Last night I thought he would never talk to me again.

Until he went online and I was too.

He talked to me saying I was the one who forgot him and blah.

Saying I maybe find another guy to replace him.

Anyways, I told him to text me tomorrow.

Because my dad is coming and I have a brand new Nokia 6600 slide. :P

Haha. Told yah, he can't resist me. Joke!

Counting the days that pass me by...

So now, Cris and I cut all our communication.

It's sad. Because I never thought it would be this fast.

BUT! I am not really broken. It's okay. Really. :)

Everythings fine & normal. He's just a boy. ;)

And it's his loss anyway, not mine.

So I start to think of Kevin again.

I only experienced true break down with Kevin.

Yep, there might be no chance for us to be together again.

But you'll never know. It's okay if we don't see each other very often.

My love won't be ereased though. Thinking of him is enough to make me happy. :)

Because he's the one I truly loved.

Kevin again?

Cris still aint texting. It's really sad because I don't know if he still likes me.

He leaves me standing on a line. Confused.

Whe he acted like this when I'm already falling for him?

I thought he was better than Kevin. Well, I guess he proved me wrong.

It's okay. It's his loss anyway. It's just sad to know I made a mistake with him.

Anyways, I want to talk to Kevin again! i think I love him again.

Because of him, I can ignore my sadness for Cris.

Kevin never fails to make me happy.

Love you Kev!

Goodbye?

Is it goodbye? Let's wait and see.

Your such a dork Cris!

I don't know.

Until now Cris aint texting me. And I don't know why.

But whatever the reason is, the only optionI have is to wait.

Wait for his next text. I don't know what's gon to his head why he's acting like that.

But I trust him so yeahhh. Whatever! :))

Anyway, I talked to Kevin tonight.

I really missed him. It's just like yesterday when we last get together.

Hope it'll happen again next time. :)

Once again, he said things he knows I love to hear! Kebino! :P

MAHAL KO!

He didn't text me for 2 nights and that caused me to think negative things.

So yeah I checked my Friendster. And he left a message saying "Mahal ko."

I was surprised and happy but then it's sad to know he wasn't texting.

And I wanna know why! This is the 3rd night! Dammit!

Chris Cayzer!

Haha. Yes, I went to the concert. But not with Chris.

He was not allowed. :3

Hmm. OMG! Chris Cayzer is so effin' hot!

When he sang his first song, he's staring at me!

'Cos I'm in the front seat. Sighs. He's so dreamy...

After the concert, I approached him and asked for an autograph

he asked my name, but I didn't respond because I got nervous.

I saw him signing autographs, and he just wrote his signiture,

but when it's already my turn, he wrote a note saying "You Rock!" with matching hearts.

And I was thinking if he really did notice me! Hehe.

Hope to see him again! :D

Okay so after that, I got home.

Cris and I talked. He open something about his girlfriend

that made me a bit pissed. But in the end, he's saying he loves me more. Blah.

He started calling me "Mahal ko."

But anyways, I will never be contented and satisfied, and I will never stop getting jealous

until he finally break up with her.

So yeah...

So much update for now. Til next time! :*

He visited me!

Surprisingly and unexpectedly Cris came at our house.

I just received a text that he's right outside our house.

So yeah, it is very unexpected and I'm very happy for that.

We stayed at our Kubo together with Glenn and Maffi.

It was fun. && I'm so happy! :D

He's so sweet. :"> I love him. :*

At last.

At last. He already texted. Actually it was Glen whom he texted.

He's not angry anymore. Yeah, but I think he don't want me anymore. :/

We have our plans, we're going to watch a concert together this Saturday.

Hope it will go fine. Because whenever I'm with him, I feel awkward. Haha.

Hope it's gonna be a great night for us. :)

&& hope things will go out well for the two of us.

SAD.

We're still not okay.
There are many thoughts running through my head.
I just don't want to think too much right now.
Hoping we're gonna be okay tomorrow. Sighs.
At least I had fun playing Spirit Of The Coin with Ate Gang, Glenn, Maffi and my brothers! Hahaha!

MAD.

I was with CLAMEL today. :D
It was so fun! And I am very happy we had our reunion already.
'Cos I really miss them.
But there is one thing bothering me.
&& that's Cris.
I saw him today. && he's mad at me.
He texted me that I always disappoint him.
If I let him wait in vain again,
it'll be over for us.
At the moment I red that, until now...
it made me so sad.....
I don't want him to leave me.
Cris I'm sorry for the things I've done!!!
I'm not perfect but please give me another chance.
I'll change for you.
Just don't leave me. I'll try my best for you. :'(

Sighs.

Sorry I haven't updated recently because my mouse broke.
So, last night we were talking on the phone.
He was doubting that I love him. :( Aww.
Yes. I am not DEEPLY in love, but I do love him.
Cris!!! If you only knew. Sighs.

Confused?

Okay. Cris just let me know that he will officially break up with his girlfriend. && of course, what does it mean? For us to be together already. I really didn't expect anything from him. && it's really fine with me if he will choose his girlfriend. Right now, he chose me. && I don't think I'm not YET ready for any relationship. But it's unfair for his part (I think), If I don't yet agree for us to have this boy-girlfriend relationship. But I still have my time to get ready because he can't break up with his GF immediately, it will take time. I don't know. I'm not yet DEEPLY in love with him. && I don't know if I will fall harder or I will eventually fall out of love if we're already committed. One thing I know is for sure. Cris is deserving. All I know is he's different from the other guys && he will not break my heart. So yeah, at this point I can't reject him. Because he's gonna hurt so much, he loves me so much that he will break up with his 2 year girlfriend just for me. He's expecting so much from me guys! I'm not gonna let him down. So yeah, I think I'm gonna do it.

Quotes out of my sadness.

Since I'm sad tonight. Because Cris doesn't pay much attention to me since it's his monthsary with his girlfriend. Here's some quotes expressing what I feel:


It's simple, you say you've seen better days and not. I guess we go our separate ways. Here's one for my loneliness and two for how we used to be, three strikes to my chest and four for all my jealousy.



On the count of three I'll never think of you again. I know I'm lying, does it show that badly? I've kept these thoughts so clandestine and perfect, but the bleeding heart, you know, just isn't worth it. Well here it goes. One, two three. It didn't work.



I miss the sound of your voice, the loudest thing in my head and I ache to remember all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.

You know what really sucks about falling for a guy you
know you're not right for? You fall anyways because you
think he might be different.



There's a reason why people describe love as being "head over heels."
You feel like you're completely turned upside down. There's the physical
stuff --your cheeks getting hot, the flutters in your stomach. And then
there's the mental madness -- you feel like you're losing your mind because
all you can think about is the way they smell, how good it feels when they
put their arms around you, or the cute little dimple they get when they smile.
When you're with them, there's no other place you'd rather be; when you're
not, you can barely wait until you see them again. Love is a total high - better
than eating chocolate, acing a test, or scoring the winning goal.



There's no other feeling in the world
like knowing that he could be with
any girl in the entire world, but he
chooses to be with you.


Here's to the moment;
This moment in your life when nothing at all
is perfect, but everything feels so right.

It’s not the big events that hurt the
most, but rather the smallest questionable
shift in tone at the end of a spoken word
that can plow most deeply into the heart.

Spongebob: What do you usually do when I’m gone?
Patrick: Wait for you to come back.

Addiction. It's something we all go
through. We love something so much
we end up using it all the time. But at
the same time, it's killing us. It tears us
down in side until we can hardly breathe.
It brings us to rock bottom. But in the
end? We can't give it up. Because no
matter how much pain it causes us, the
few moments of pleasure are always worth it.

I like falling off my skateboard
the way I like loving you.
Broken hearts, like broken bones, hurt well.

---
Okay, while searching for pictures, he texted me like a million times.
But I was too fvcked off to reply to his messages.
So yeah, sorry Cris. Oops! xD
Oh no. Can't find anymore pictures, I'll edit this maybe next time. :P
Gotta go! Still gonna think of what I will say to Cris. :))
Pity him. Saying sorry like a little puppy.
Okay. Let's stop this crap. I'll swallow my pride.
I think I'll say sorry too. :) Love you Cris!ü

My first post.

Okay. I'm back in blogspot again. :)
From now on, I will post all:
my feelings,
the happenings in my life,
whatever i wanted to say
here. :D
I don't know if I will still post in my Xanga.
I think I will continue blogging here.
Let's start. :D
Last night, Cris didn't text me. Boo for him!
&& yes, Tamy called last night.
We talked until 3am. Hahahaha.
After that, I didn't sleep yet.
Glenn && I still talked about Cris.
Oh my! It's so complicated.
I don't want to think of it right now.
I will just continue working for my gift for him! :D
It's almost done. I just need a CD.
For me to put my songs dedicated to him.
&& that's it!! :D
Okay, so much update for now. Till next time! :D
Love lots! ♥

--Oh, I almost forgot.
Happy monthsary for Cris && his girlfriend. xD